How to have sex at the in-laws this Christmas

With the Christmas season rolling in, the time for silent sex is nigh.



non-penetrative sexual activity, including massage, kissing, dry humping and talking about your fantasies - the perfect way to have quiet sex this Christmas.


You might be hosting the in-laws or having your boyfriend over on Christmas Eve, but with all the family downstairs, having and enjoying sex can become a bit of an issue. Here are some ways to discreetly have sex around Christmas time and keep it hush-hush.

Replace the bed

When it comes to quiet sex, the bed can be your biggest downfall. Squeaky bedsprings and banging headboards are obvious tell-tales sounds that you and your partner are at it. Instead, why not move it around? Setting up blankets and cushions on the floor adds a rustic, sexy feel and has the added bonus on less noise, whilst having sex against a wall or on a chair wards off any unnecessary embarrassment. 

Take it to the shower

Another option other than the bed is to get the water running and use the opportunity to have un-obnoxious sex. Be careful of slips and slides and make sure the shower is big enough for the two of you, but with the lights off, the candles on and some sexy-smelling shampoo, the bathroom won’t be the only thing getting steamy…

The perfect way to incorporate a gag

An easy way to keep yourself quiet and make noiseless sex sexy too. Using gags, ties and pillows not only ramps up the sex factor and adds tension and danger, but keeps you quiet when you feel the urge to scream. 

Turn up the volume in other ways

If you’ve got a partner who just can’t quiet down no matter what pressure you might have, the best solution is just to cover it up. Music can set the mood for any sexual experience. Get slow and lusty with some U2 or Etta James, or ramp it up and get sensual with Beyonce or Rihanna. Another way of adding sound is going for a Netflix and chill vibe. Doggy + Love Actually = a match made in heaven.

Focus on outercourse

A perfect way to incorporate more sensitive and slower foreplay, outercourse can take all sorts of forms. Kissing, massage, grinding and stroking each other’s bodies is not only noiseless but slows sex right down, turning you on in ways you might not even have expected.

It's all in the position

Quieter sex positions are going to be your life-saver this Christmas. Our top tip is to try scissoring, which can take a second to get right, but when you do it’ll make you experience all sorts of new sensations. Requiring very little thrusting (meaning no shaking bed), scissoring allows for deeper penetration and means you can incorporate touching too, so you both finish together. Hugging is also perfect for this, increasing the intimacy and meaning you can kiss and nuzzle together, whilst making very little noise. 

I just want your kiss

There’s no better time to lock lips than Christmas at the in-laws. Kissing means both of you can’t make much sound, whilst tonguing intensifies what you feel when you’re being touched. Experimenting putting your fingers in each other’s mouths, or covering, can also be fun and spark danger, but make sure you’re both into it first.

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