For a lot of women, orgasms can be tricky things.
BY THE ROAM TEAM 4 MIN READ
the ‘orgasm gap’, a term coined by Dr Laurie Mintz to describe the disparity in orgasms between heterosexual couples
For a lot of women, orgasms can be tricky things. Sometimes it’s harder to get there than expected, sometimes you can’t come quick enough, sometimes you’re not as wet as you’d want to be down there. In fact, only 65% of heterosexual women say they always orgasm during sex, whereas a whopping 95% of heterosexual men say they always orgasm, according to a 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior. So how can we guarantee an orgasm that’s as insane as the best one you’ve ever had. Here are some fail-safe tips and tricks:
The good news for people with vaginas is that the erectile tissue is spread out over a larger area, meaning that there are more erogenous zones to enjoy and as a result, more ways to reach climax. Here, exploring is KEY. There isn’t just one way to achieve an orgasm; there are hundreds!
A 2018 survey by Valparaiso University indicated that insufficient lubrication affected nearly a quarter of women who had difficulty reaching orgasm, a statistic that shouldn’t be shocking for most women, particularly when dryness can happen for lots of reasons (even antihistamines can stop natural lubrication!) During sex, partnered or alone, a lack of lubrication can make it difficult to orgasm comfortably and pleasurably, as well as making penetration painful. Lube helps enormously with this, as well as taking away the stress of not feeling like you’re wet enough. And if you’re worried about lube being a taboo, talk to your partner and explain the need for it.
Introducing toys into the bedroom is a fun and sexy way to mix things up, stop sex getting boring and discover new ways of pleasing yourself and your partner. Toys like [the Wand](https://www.exploreroam.com/shop/products/devices/wand?)are perfect for some solo exploration, whilst the Pebble is perfect for newbies to toys who don’t want to make their partner feel awkward. For those scouting out the backdoor entrance, The Plug is subtle and streamlined enough to be comfortable (plus it vibrates, which feels amazing!)
Anxiety can be a huge inhibitor to orgasming, but this one is easier said than done. Valparaiso University also found that more than half of the women surveyed cited anxiety as a reason for why they struggled to achieve orgasm. For women, guilt and shame play a big role in sex and that’s a problem to blame society for. Confronting these feelings head on can be really helpful, whether that’s telling yourself you’re a bad b*tch who deserves to have the most mind-blowing sex ever, or whether that’s chatting to a therapist. We’d also recommend combining it into all of our other recommendations. If you’re feeling stressed that you’re not getting wet, for example, introduce a lube and cross that worry off the list.
Feelings of nervousness around sex can tie into a whole bunch of other problems women can experience too. Some women are afraid to make too much noise, or some don’t feel comfortable enough to lose control. Remember that everything is a journey and don’t go too hard on yourself. Most often, with these sorts of issues, slow and steady wins the race - communicate with your partner or try things out alone before. This might mean gradually dialling up the volume, discovering what you find sounds sexy, or introducing some role play into the bedroom to take the pressure off yourself.
Staying in tune with your body and with your partner during sex is ESSENTIAL. Do what feels good, but keep an eye on how your body responds. If you’ve tried something new out, and fallen in love with it, let your partner know and keep doing it! If you feel like they need a helping hand, point them in the right direction, but be mindful of their feelings and phrase it as a request rather than a correction. And remember…being told what to do during sex, or being told what somebody likes, is a huge turn-on too.