What to know before going to a sex party

We asked our Instagram followers and 89% of you are interested in knowing more about sex parties! That's why we've partnered with Dominium Vita, a private member's club designed for people to explore their sexual pleasures, to answered your burning questions.

BY THE ROAM TEAM 10 MIN READ

WORDS TO KNOW
Play party

A play party encompasses any event where play is allowed, and tends to mean an event surrounding sexual encounters, experiences and eroticism.

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Do you have to have sex at a sex party?

“Absolutely not! We (Dominium Vita) like to tell people to think of play parties like any other event you go to, except at a play party you have the option to explore a physical connection further than you might elsewhere. You can go there simply to enjoy the event itself, socialise or just enjoy the energy that's created in those environments. There's a different energy in spaces where people feel free to be themselves - it draws in a friendly, sex-positive and more open crowd. You'd be surprised how many people only attend these events for the people instead of the pleasure.”

Do you go with a partner or on your own?

“That is completely up to each individual. We (Dominium Vita) have plenty of members, of any gender, who prefer to come solo - some people are fine just to jump in the deep end and start meeting people! But if you are too nervous to go alone, it's absolutely fine to bring a friend or a partner with you. Just please remember, before entering a play event, have a chat with your partner or friend about boundaries! Do you want to be left alone at any point in the night? Are you comfortable with them chatting/flirting with someone else? Are either of you looking to engage in anything sexual, or would you prefer to keep it as a social event? Boundaries can't be unbroken once they're breached - so have a chat!

That being said, some events don't allow single attendees - so do your research beforehand!”

What do you wear to a sex party?

“This is different for every play party. For us at Dominium Vita, we say cocktail wear, something not too formal that makes you feel your most sexy! We personally feel that when you feel your sexiest and most comfortable, that's when you can actually relax into the evening and start your journey - in whatever way that may be for yourself.

However, we do have a few events where we set stricter dress codes - sometimes it's fun to dress up to the nines!

Other events may have a wide range of dress code styles. For instance, if it's a fetish event you'll be expected to be in full fetish gear! Nothing you could wear to pop to the shops in, or even a local bar - you need to turn heads! Other play events can have themes, like masks or cloaks - so it totally depends on which event it is you're interested in.

Every event will have a dress code policy on their website - if you're ever in doubt, just email them with what you're thinking of wearing and I'm sure someone there will help point you in the right direction!”

Where do you have sex? Are there beds?

“Again, this completely depends on the event. Each event is different in the sense that some may allow play all over the venue, whilst others may only allow it in certain rooms. It all depends on how big each venue is, how many people there are to safeguard the space, or even just if the venue will allow it! Always make sure to check the rules of an event before attending.

If there is a play space, there will be comfortable furniture for you to play on! It may not always be a bed (some events use padded furniture, large sofas, BDSM equipment etc) but if it's an allowed play space, there will be areas set out for you to play on!”

How do you instigate sex at a sex party?

“Ah, the age-old question! To be honest, every single person that has attended a play event has asked this at some point or another. The truth is there is only one answer - respectfully. If you strike up a connection with someone, and feel you would like to ask them if they would like to take things further, then be respectful with your approach. Ask them questions about their boundaries, whether they're open to play this evening, whether they would like to go and see what's happening in the playroom etc. Get a feel for if they're open to the idea of playing with you.

Then, just ask. You have to be ok with open communication if you're attending a play event. You will need to ask people if it's ok to touch them, if they would like to join in, if they are open to playing, and you need to be ok with whatever answer you receive.

If it's a no, then it's a no. No is the most important word at a play event - and it needs to be respected at all times.

There is no magic sentence that will guarantee you a trip to the playroom. Just because you're there does not instantly mean you're going to get to play with someone. And to be honest, if you go in with the mindset of "I'll do 'X' to get someone to play with me" then you're probably not the right person to be attending.”

What are the boundaries at a sex party?

“Each event is different, however there is one universal rule at all play events - consent!

This is our breakdown of the rules of consent:

When watching…

  • Do not touch anyone without their permission

  • Do not interrupt a scene – this means if people are in the middle of play, you cannot just walk up and touch them, or expect to get involved. If someone perhaps looks as though they want you to get involved, always ask first.

  • Voyeurism is fine but learn your limits. Sitting next to someone uninvited and staring at them will make them uncomfortable.

  • If you are a voyeur, we kindly ask you to refrain from solo play whilst watching others. The people being watched are not able to give permission, making this a non-consensual act.

When playing…

  • Please remember you are in a shared space, so whilst we do want you to let your hair down and enjoy, please try not to hog large areas.

  • Make sure you keep areas clean and hygienic. Our team will always be on hand to help, but please try and leave areas as you found them so others can enjoy.

  • If you are playing near others, please do not interrupt their scene. Even mid-play, consent must be given before you touch anyone else.

Then, some events will have different boundaries on top of that. You need to do your research on the specific rules and etiquette of each event before attending.

You can check out our full rules and etiquette here - https://dominiumvita.com/rules-etiquette/”

What is the demographic at sex parties?

“Naturally, there are age limits to play parties. You have to be over a certain age to attend, for some that is 21, for others it may be higher.

As for the overall demographic, that differs at every event. For us, our members tend to age from 25-45, and are all genders and sexualities.

Some events are catered to a straight crowd, others are more queer. Some even only cater to bisexual women! You'll need to do your research on the events available to you, and where you think your tribe will be.”

Do you pay?

“Yes, play parties are usually ticketed events.

Some people hold private events in their homes just for friends - but usually, just like any event you go to, you will need to purchase a ticket to attend.

Take it from us, events are not cheap to put together! So naturally we (Dominium Vita) charge for entrance into our events.”

Do you use protection?

“Absolutely yes. Condoms are usually freely provided at most play events - though always be on the safe side and bring your own! Especially if you have a brand, or size you prefer.

If you're attending with a long term partner, or play partner, and have had the discussion of not using protection with each other, then that's absolutely fine. But other than that, always check with a new potential partner before play that they will be using a condom.

Remember - sex without a condom needs to have consent beforehand!”

Do you have to have a background check?

“No, your privacy is completely respected at play events. At Dominium Vita, and other membership style events, we do require you to fill out a membership application before being accepted as a member, however this is only for safeguarding reasons. That information is never shared anywhere else.

Some events don't require any vetting process to attend; you can simply buy a ticket online and go.”

What are the safety protocols?

“At Dominium Vita, we have a trained safeguarding team present at all play events to ensure people are playing safely and respectfully. They're there to keep an eye on anything that goes against our rules and etiquette, and are a point of contact for members if they need to report something.

These days nearly all play events will have a safeguarding team, or monitors, in their play spaces to keep an eye on things, or even just to be a safe space if you become too overwhelmed.

Beyond that, we have a one strike policy. Play events are a very delicate space, and we believe if you're willing to break one rule, no matter how small, then you are not someone who should be in that space.

We also have security on site at all times.”

How do you handle rejection?

“If someone has communicated a boundary to you, then you have to respect that and move on. Naturally, no one enjoys rejection, but you can't take it personally that they're not willing to explore something with you. Our ego is a hard thing to let go of at times, but in these spaces it's important to try and leave your ego at the door.”

What is the difference between a play party and a fetish party?

“A play party is an umbrella term that encompases an event where play is allowed. However these days, it tends to mean an event surrounding sexual encounters, experiences and eroticism. People tend to mistake play parties and swingers parties as the same thing - they aren't. A 'swinger' used to be the term for couples who enjoyed swapping partners - though frankly this term is out of date these days. And a little tacky.

A fetish event is exactly what it says on the tin, it's all about fetish! These events go deeper into sexual experiences and explore the different, and beautiful, forms of fetish that are rarely celebrated in regular society. You don't have to engage in, or even be into, any fetishes to attend a fetish event, however you do have to be respectful of them. Fetish events also tend to be more of a 'rave' style event, as historically the fetish world and the underground music world have walked hand in hand with each other.”

For any other questions, email questions@exploreroam.com or reach out to Dominium Vita.

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