Self-love and Self-dates: Be your own Valentine

Let’s set the scene. It’s Valentine’s Day. You’re alone and feeling down about it. You’re standing outside that cool new restaurant in town, shuffling your feet, and building up the courage to go in, sit down, and order. But your palms are clammy, and your heart is beating, and it’s pointless to celebrate the day of love without someone to love, so you turn around and go back home. You’ve dodged a bullet, right? Wrong. You just stood up the most important person in your life: yourself.


Self love

Self love is having a higher regard for your own wellbeing and happiness and valuing your own needs.



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Being single in a society that insists that you need a relationship to be fulfilled can make you feel like you’re lacking, or losing some competition. But singlehood and independence are empowering if only we begin to see our dates as fun bonuses and not as necessities.

What are the benefits of solo dates?

Self-dates are your new best friend. This V Day, treat yourself to dinner, or to a picnic in the park, or a stroll around an art gallery, or even just a coffee in your favourite café. Why?

1)     Because it’s mindful

Taking yourself to lunch is the foodie equivalent of taking your earphones out when you’re walking somewhere. You’re more present, more mindful, you’re suddenly spending time with your own thoughts in a way you weren’t able to before. You are dedicating time to yourself and allowing yourself the mental space to flourish and think without having to converse, or entertain, or match anyone’s energy.

2)     Because your time is valuable

It’s a big misconception that your time should be spent with other people in order for it to be worthwhile. Time alone is rejuvenating, and you should allow that rejuvenation to take an aestheticised form; you don’t have to be hibernating in your room to reboot and decompress.

3)     Because you are the centre of your universe

Ultimately, a good relationship with yourself is just as (if not more) important than good relationships with others. In the same way that dating someone and spending one-on-one time with them allows you to learn more about them, so does dating yourself bring you more self-awareness and understanding. It will teach you to value yourself, and extend the same care, thought, and affection in treating yourself as you do to others.

4)     Because it’s scary

It can certainly feel nerve-wracking going out solo when there is so much emphasis on ‘dateability’. But to expose yourself to emotional and social vulnerability can only result in the best character development. These experiences shape you, improve your confidence, and strengthen your relationship with yourself.

How do I do it?

Let’s set the scene, again. You’re composed and confident. You’re wearing your favourite outfit and a new book is tucked under your arm. You’re standing outside that cute new café in town. (You saw the ratatouille on sourdough on your friend’s Instagram story and you know you’re ordering that). You’ve made a reservation in advance, in anticipation of the Valentine’s Day crowds. You take a deep breath, walk in, and sit down.

Self-love and self-care are paramount, so never be shy about prioritising your own needs and desires…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Roam Team x

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