Tantric Sex: What It Is and How To Have It

Tantric sex, often wrongly depicted as a wild, epiphanic practice (think Meg Ryan faking an orgasm over pancakes in When Harry Met Sally), is a mindful form of sex. The word ‘tantra’ comes from the Sanskrit root which means ‘to weave’. And while linguistic analysis is the dustiest way to learn about sex, it’s actually a good path into the practice, which ‘weaves’ together physicality and spirituality to heighten sexual intimacy.



From the Sanskrit 'to weave', tantra is a South Asian philosophy which teaches that everything is sacred, even the traditionally profane.


From Dirty to Divine

Tantra is a South Asian philosophy which dates to the sixth century. Emerging from India, tantra rebelled against traditional definitions of impurity and blasphemy, maintaining that everything is sacred, including the profane. Basically, the philosophy transformed evil into ethereal. So, sex became a tool for spiritual growth.

Why tantric sex

The objective is to connect energetically and spiritually with whoever you’re having sex with, whether it’s a one-on-one experience, a group session, or masturbation. Tantric sex wants you to feel empowered within the sexual space you have curated through mindfulness, inviting you to savour every sensation as it unfolds.

Tantric sex is thought to alleviate issues like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and anorgasmia. In essence, the sex is healthier, deeper, and better. Oh, and you cum harder.

Doing it (*wink*)

Reading about tantric sex is nowhere near as fun as actually having it, so here is your how-to guide.

1. Time and Place

Tantric sex is slow and sensual, so set aside plenty of time. Equally, setting is everything. It’s important to be in a place where you can be loud, physically expressive, and comfortable, particularly when venturing into new terrain. So maybe don’t get down and dirty if your family is downstairs watching Gogglebox.

2. Mindfulness & Meditation

Take a moment to centre yourself within the present moment. Open your senses to all that surrounds you. Establish a rhythmic and conscious breathing pattern. Inhale deeply through your nose, imagining the breath travelling down into the depth of your lungs, and exhale through your mouth. The aim is for your deep breaths to generate sensation in the genitalia.

3. Movement

Begin by lying on your back and focusing on releasing tension in all your muscles. It’s natural to tense up during sex or overthink positions. Instead, move intuitively and allow yourself to be guided by your breathing. Arch your back, lift your pelvis, communicate with your body and it’ll tell you where it wants to be.

4. Close & Connected

Tantric sex allows for heightened intimacy with your partner(s). Maintain eye contact, synchronise your breathing, and allow yourself to move towards them in any way you feel. You might begin by facing one another and each placing a hand on the other’s heart. If emotions arise, embrace them! Intimacy is both intense and soothing. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, but opening yourself to vulnerability can result in something beautiful.

5. Off Script

Try to let go of any preconceived notions of what sex is or should be. Instead, explore with whatever feels good in the moment, and allow yourself to switch from activity to non-activity as you please.

Find out more about what works for you with our quiz.

Positions to try

Eye gazing

Sit up straight on a pillow or chair facing your partner. Gaze into each other's eyes and hold hands if you like. Try for two minutes and see how you feel.

Hands on heart circuit

While sitting facing each other, bring your hands to your own heart and breathe deeply. Reach across and place your other hand on your partner's heart and vice versa. Synchronise your breathing and keep gazing at each other as you appreciate your love.

Try the yab-yum position

This classic tantric sex position represents the union of Shiva and Shakti, two divine energies. One partner sits cross-legged in the "holding" position while the other partner either drapes their legs over their partner's legs with their bum a pillow, or they can sit completely in their partner's lap. Your heads can be cheek to cheek, or forehead to forehead. This position aligns your chakras and allows sexual energy to surface.

Me, myself and I

Of course, tantric sex can mean sex with yourself, and all of the same rules about mindfulness and richness of bodily sensation apply. The emphasis on connection is still prevalent with masturbation, and this can be a great opportunity to connect with your own body and sexual desires. Mindful masturbation can enhance your sex life, too. If you love and understand your sexual self, you can embrace others’ sexuality.

Footloose and fancy-free

Remember, tantric sex should be fun! It has the potential to be an impassioned experience, but it won’t work right away. There are awkward moments during sex, especially when trying new things, so don’t be scared to keep it light and humorous. Giggle at yourself or dish out a few reassuring smiles for your partner. It’s a journey, not a destination, so strap in and enjoy the ride…

With love and lube,

The Roam Team

Written by Ayaat Yassin-Kassab

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