Keeping The Spark Alive

If you're in a long term relationship, you may have experienced the difference between sex in the honeymoon phase and sex after you've been together a while. Honeymoon sex is often seen as hot, heavy and heart-poundingly thrilling, often happening over a long build up and coming to a toe-curling climax. That raw passion and magnetism is something we seek in long-term relationships too and isn't something that has to completely disappear. Don't look back and pine over what used to be, but instead look forward to the future - sex now is going to be better than it ever was!



is someone's overall desire for anything sexual, and it can be affected by biological, psychological and social factors.



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  1. Chat to your partner

    Doing something without your partner's input might backfire. For example, immediately coming on to your partner without reading the room or understanding if they're in the same mindset as you probably won't be successful and lead to ripping each other's clothes off. In fact, honesty is sexy. Sit down with your partner and just have a chat. Mention that you'd like to bring a bit more excitement and heat to your relationship. When you're both on the same page, you'll both actively put more effort in. In this case, two heads (and bodies) are definitely better than one.

  2. Be more adventurous

    Couples who find the spark has faded often are stuck in a rut, both in sex and in their lifestyle choices. Shaking things up and encouraging each other to venture out of their comfort zone will translate to the bedroom too. This can come in many forms depending on what applies to you. Maybe one of you needs a push to leave the job they're not enjoying. Maybe you want to try a new activity together. Perhaps you want to try something new in bed, like role-play or going to a sex party. Whatever it is, injecting something exciting and fresh into your life will affect your approach to sex too and give you a new lease of life.

  3. Spend time alone

    This one feels antithetical, but is key. To properly appreciate time together, time apart is important, even if you are each other's best friend and soulmate. Spending time apart with friends, family, on holiday or away for work can be uncomfortable, but allows anticipation to build before seeing each other again. When you then have sex after time apart, you can tease each other before. Try sexting! Let the anticipation become so great that when you're together again, you can't resist each other.

  4. Switch up that sex routine

    Do you and your partner go through the same motions every time you have sex? Maybe it's the same bed, the same taking your own clothes off, the same pattern of positions, the same ending? Switch it up! It's easy to fall into the same routine when life is busy, but changing where you have sex, what type of sex you have and how you both orgasm can really change the entire experience.

  5. Focus on the senses

    The five senses are very important and can each be stimulated in different ways during sex. Just changing one can change the feel of sex completely. Maybe you never have sex with music, so you try putting on a playlist. Maybe you light some candles. Maybe you try having sex outside, so you orgasm looking at something other than your partner or a blank ceiling. Trying new things makes sex feel exciting without having to put much effort in.

  6. Talk afterwards

    Communicating afterwards is just as important as communicating before. Take some time to chat about how you both feel. This can be straight after or a few days later, but it's important to figure out if the changes you're putting in place are helping bring the spark back. This may be a work in progress or might wax and wane throughout your relationship. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and your partner, and instead focus on the bond and chemistry you both have. Work off that and you can't go far wrong.

The reality is that sex in a long-term relationship can be far better than honeymoon sex ever was. How well you know each other determines how intimate and connected you feel during sex, meaning you can both enjoy it more, feel less performative and concentrate on the pure enjoyment and satisfaction sex can give you both. Concentrate on how great your sex can be now, rather than how it used to be.

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